Emmett makes an army of vampire squirrels
by bffalwlt
Summary: One day Emmett gets really board so he goes out looking for fun. as he wanders around he figures out what hes going to do and YES! it has to do with squirrels and after Emmett makes this mess all of the Cullens have to help clean it up.


**Bella's point of view- **

_Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day. If you don't, I don't care, I'll just get a bucket then pour it on Emmett. _Edward silently chuckled at my thoughts. I was shielding, but I guess he could tell what I was thinking by the way I was looking expectantly at Emmett then at the rain falling outside. I laughed imagining Emmett' s reaction. Emmett was the goofiest person (or vampire) that I have ever met. Interrupting my humorous remembrances of the times me and my wonderful family have had, Emmett got up from his place on the couch next to Rose then sat down on the slick wood floor an d spun around in a circle and began to whistle. He continued this way for about twelve minutes before anyone acknowledged him. " Umm… Emmett… might I ask what your doing?" Esme spoke in her sweet motherly voice. "Trying to break an awkward silence." He said matter of factly. It had grown silent for awhile. We all burst into euphoric laughter, all of us except for Emmett who giddily continued to spin. "Twirly, twirl, twirl." Emmett said childishly which made us all laugh even harder. Carlisle had fallen off his spot on the love seat and was stretched out on the floor laughing. We all laughed and laughed until about six minutes later when Emmett had finally had enough of his spinning game.

"I'm bored." Emmett was always bored. "Go read a book. That would be something new." Edward suggested, it was kind of funny because I don't think Emmett has ever read a book. "I've read all the books I need to read. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, The Biggest Explosions of 2010, and How To Avoid Nagging, Annoying Wives. OWWWW!" Rosalie had thrown the T.V. remote so hard at Emmett that it cracked into three big pieces and millions of microscopic sized shards that my vampire eyes could easily see. Everyone laughed. "Just kidding Rose." "You better be." she growled at him which made us all laugh again. "Go watch Spongebob or something." Jasper suggested. Believe it or not Emmett loved Spongebob, in fact I think he's seen almost all of them. "Na I've seen 'em all." I stand corrected. "I think I'll just go hunt." Emmett dashed out the door leaving us all humored.

**Emmett's point of view**

_Hmmm… what should I kill? _I stopped and sniffed the air, no bears, no mountain lions, no carnivores. _Ugh this sucks! The only thing here is stupid elk and some deer! _I began to run again hoping something good would come up. _I think I'm pretty far away from the house… should I head back or do something fun. Okay house your on the left, something fun your on the right. Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a human by his toe, if he cries like a baby don't let him go and eat him, eenie meenie miney mo! Yes! Something fun… now what is fun? _I sat down irritated by the fact that there wasn't anything fun to do. I thought a few minutes sitting as still as the tree I was leaning against._ Okay well there's nothing fun here. _I got up and ran west toward the road.

I stopped a few steps before stepping out into the open. _Thank goodness it's cloudy today. _there weren't many people out so I loped lazily across the road to the little store, of which its name I do not know. I reached the front door and walked inside. It wasn't very bright but it wasn't dark inside. _Yes! _as soon as I walked in I saw exactly what I needed. I walked over to a shelf that had glow in the dark silly string, whoopee cushions, rubber snakes , mice, some bugs, etc. I picked up six cans of silly string then headed over to the check-out counter. " Will that be all sir?" said a familiar voice. I looked up to see Mike Newton.

"Hey Newton." I said. He looked up for the first time with a disappointed face. _I can have some fun with him. _"What's with the long face? Did you hear about Bella and Edward's wedding? _I hope he didn't, that would ruin my first attempt at fun. _"No, actually my" _-_ the funniest shocked look spread across his face- " WEDDING! They're getting married?" He looked like he was about to throw up! " Yup they're getting married in two weeks" He just stood there with his mouth gaping like a fish. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! This is priceless! Mike is so retarded. I threw a twenty on the counter then grabbed my stuff and walked out because it looked like he wasn't going to handle it himself any time soon.

I stopped in the parking lot. " Hmm… now what should I do with it… Oh I know!" I turned around and walked back into the store. Mike still hasn't moved. I opened one can and started to work. First I made silly string glasses, a mustache, and covered all of his hair with silly string, pleased with the fact that he still hasn't moved. I began to wonder if he had gone into a coma… oh well, he'll snap out of it eventually. I used a second can and wrote DORK across the check-out counter with an arrow pointing toward Mike. Ha-ha. I took out my cell-phone and took a picture. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I walked over to the door with my last four cans, pleased with myself, but something caught my eye.

There was a small shelf against the window lined up with books. Well four books in a series apparently. I picked up the first book and looked at the name. " Twilight." I flipped the book over about to read the summary, but I stopped after I read the first sentence. " A vampire romance-suspense story." I put the book back on the shelf then reached out and knocked the shelf over. "Oops." _It's not like I would have read it anyway. _I ran out the store laughing, noticing that Mike was still standing there. Ha-ha dork.

"Now what should I do with you?" I wondered aloud to myself. I looked around looking for inspiration. I saw two kids sitting on a bench. They looked about 16 or around that age. They leaned toward each other to kiss and my inspiration came. I ran at my top speed making sure they wouldn't be able to see me, as I circled them I opened the silly string and went to work again. I ran around them spraying them with my last four cans and boy was it funny!

**Kids point of view**

"Oh my God!" I screamed me and Reese were being sprayed with silly string but there was nobody around us. "What' s happening?" I screamed. " Come on Delani lets go!" Reese screamed at the top of his lungs, and then we ran of scared, baffled, and covered in silly string.

**Emmett's point of view**

As the two kids ran of screaming I fell to the ground and laughed until I was about to puke. I kept laughing for at least six minutes but I finally sobered up and went of looking for something else to do.

I ran through the woods feeling full of myself for my previous- and very funny- attempts at fun, they were more than attempts because I succeeded! I stopped and smelled where I was . _Hmmm… I smell… a … squirrel. _I located the squirrel and stared at it for a few seconds. " I've never tasted squirrel blood before." I said aloud I lunged at the squirrel and caught it. I laughed at the stupid creature trying to bite me. I held the squirrel to my mouth and then bit down into it. "Gross!" I yelled at the horrifyingly disgusting taste of squirrel blood. I spit the blood in my mouth onto the ground. I wrung out the squirrel's neck and tossed its body aside "Stupid, vegetarian, smelly, frail, tiny animal." I mumbled to myself. I looked around and I noticed two squirrels watching me. We stared at each other for a few seconds and then I kicked a rock in their direction. Apparently they didn't like it. The squirrels hissed at me and then like 90 squirrels came running down the trees and stated attacking me. "Holy crap!" I screamed, its not like they could hurt me or anything but this was kind of scary. I hit at the squirrels and their bodies flew against the trees making loud cracking noises. I swung my arms a few more times then all of the hissing and cracking stopped. I looked around at the torn squirrel bodies and for some reason felt sympathy. Some of the squirrels were actually kid of cute. "Oh." I just realized why I felt some sympathy, the squirrels were like me, cute, cuddly, and torn. And I was like a bear, like _the_ bear that had torn my body, that had caused so much pain, so many years ago… I shook my head and repressed the memory from my mind I sat down and felt sad. _That bear never meant any harm to me it just wanted me to go away. _

I thought to myself. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the stuffed squirrel that Bella had bought for Esme from Wal-Mart. Bella had bought me a bear and I know she meant well but it reminded me of that day and it made me unhappy so when me and Esme were alone I asked her to trade. I looked down into its black bead eyes. I smiled and stood up. I didn't like being sad, it just wasn't my style. I put the stuffed squirrel in my pocket. _I need to save these squirrels _I thought to myself and I knew what I was going to do. I bent down and began to make my army. _This is going to be fun. _I thought then bit down onto the squirrels tiny neck that lay in my hands.

**Hope you enjoy this if you read Addi's walmart story then you will probably remember the stuffed animals. HAHA ****J anyway I promise I'll update soon and PLEEZ review. THANK YOU! **


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